The Blob

Zombie Monster Rocket Theory for Idiots

This is Hugh Mann, reporting live from the floor of House of Representatives, where the lobbyists elected by the irate villagers to represent large multinational corporations in their unending quest for immortality, are meeting, as we speak, to unveil their newest attempt at solving the zombie monster rocket problem, so the villagers can return to their football games and excessive alcohol consumption. Stand by. One moment. The votes are in.

The elated house members are now writhing in the aisles and speaking in tongues and shouting ‘Praise the Lord’, an unnamed congressman is dancing around the podium with his microphone screaming ‘Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Jesus God Almighty, Hallelujah’ and looking for all the world like the unholy spawn of James Brown and Michael Jackson.

This is truly a hysterical moment folks. Oops, I mean historical. Historic, sorry about that.

Congressional aides have pushed the laboratory apparatus aside, the giant Van de Graaff generator, wth its Tesla coils, superconducting load balancers and supercapacitors are now discharging their energy in an amazing fire and brimstone lightshow, and fainting couches have been made available for the swooning congresswomen. Apparently a new and entirely unknown vampire rocket has been lurking in the shadows all this time, for its chance to suck the life blood and precious bodily fluids out of the nation’s intellectual assets, and it appears that it has consumed both the Monster and the Zombie, and now it is undergoing some kind of remarkable transformation right here on the floor of the house of congress.

The zombie monster rocket has now been assimilated into the Borg collective!

This is Hugh Mann, reporting the return of Jesus, live, on the scene of the event.