The Blob

Phallic Symbolism

This is Hugh Mann reporting, live from SpaceX headquarters in Hawthorne, California, where Elon Musk is holding a press conference today announcing his newest imaginary paper rocket, the Falcon-XXX. And a beauty she is, ten times taller than the Saturn V, larger even than the previous world record for the largest imaginary rocket, the infamous Truax Sea Dragon, what a sight to behold. A huge crowd has gathered for the announcement and the unveiling of the plexiglass model of this hairy beast, and it seems like the entire California gay community is here to view the revelation of the glistening monster. Unfortunately, no real specifications for this launch vehicle are available as of yet, but rumors are circulating among the crowd that it will be fueled with Old Spice Cologne and lubricated for its trip through the atmosphere with KY jelly, and that Sarah Palin herself has generously offered to allow it to be launched from her back yard in Wasilla, Alaska, in exchange for rights to dress it up with advertising for her personal brand of lipstick.

Sarah Palin Lipstick

What a glorious day this is for the field of imaginary rocketry folks, I am just overcome with patriotic feelings of national pride. I’m sorry, I just can’t continue, this is too emotional.

Wait one moment, please stand by, the ghost of Neville Watson himself has now appeared on the stage to baffle the crowd with special functions, the crowd is cheering wildly, and it seems as if wild spontaneous orgies are breaking out everywhere. There is a whole lotta thrusting and probing going on here now, folks.

This is Hugh man, standing by, just in case Jesus decides to make another reappearance.